Oops I… don’t know how to make friends

Maybe you see me and think, “Wow, she’s so popular and has so many cool friends” or maybe it’s more along the lines of “Yikes what a loner”. Regardless of which way you lean, you’re probably right. Growing up in a tiny school with a class of about 14 people, I was never alone, but often lonely. I was the kid who was friends with everyone, but not close to anyone. That changed in the 6th grade as I made my first real group of friends. My friends, my girls, my 6/6 group became my lifeline. While I’ve retained my friendships with individuals, it seems increasingly hard to keep a group of friends intact over the years.

As I mature (not too much just yet I promise), I learn about more and more people who are doing extraordinary things with their lives and my nagging question: How the hell do you meet these people? 

Do I want to be friends with me?

I’m working hard to ensure that I am someone that I would want to be friends with, but old introverted habits, along with the fact that I recently moved across the world are making it a bit challenging to find people like me.

Maybe it’s not about finding cool people but finding the cool things in the people around me?

As I grow older and push myself into more challenging situations, my old habits and insecurities are crawling back and I find myself alone again. If I close my eyes, I can still see the etches on the stall door of the bathroom, blurred by tears, where I ate my first lunch at public school. Drowning out awkwardness with headphones and a YouTube video has become a tried and true go-to to avoid human interaction; something deep down I guess I want. Trying to reconcile my introverted, recluse tendencies with my desire to be challenged and inspired by people is frustrating; do I want to stay home by myself or would I rather put my energy into getting to know someone else?

Where’d they go?

I was fortunate enough to have found a close friend as soon as I moved to Paris, and a dynamic and loving friend group soon after. With a majority of my Erasmus friends gone now however, I find myself alone again most days. Where are the curious people? The art lovers? Where are the travelers and the dreamers?

I promise I have a lot to offer. 

Here is my official/unofficial friendship application: 

I am: Fiercely loyal, protective, quick with a joke and a song reference, spontaneous, and always ready to dance with you. 

What I like: Art, photography, debates, sports, writing, history, survival videos, Latin music, those guys on YouTube who build houses out of mud, etc. 

What I want: Motivated friends that challenge norms, appreciate the ordinary, and are down for adventure.

I’m thankful for the friends I have in my life, they continue to be my lifeline, but there are so many interesting people that I know will be part of my story, I’m just not sure where to find them. So to all my future friends, I love you and appreciate you already, I just haven’t met you yet. 

This is all to say, if you know any cool people in Paris, send them my way 😉