Oops I… can’t visualize my future

future

They tell you to close your eyes. Relax. Think about what’s important to you, where you want to be in your career, what kind of people you want around you, where you want to be. Visualize what you want – it’s the first step to making it a reality. What happens if you don’t know what you want though? What happens if you don’t know what’s next?

I recently graduated college. I jumped at the opportunity to move abroad and do my Masters but will soon be faced with the daunting question once again, “What’s next?”.

The truth is I’ve never really known what I wanted. I was never the girl who had her life planned out. Friends around me knew what they wanted and planned their lives accordingly. Engaged in 4 years. Married in 6. Kids in 8. High position in their career in 12. Job interviews or talks with my family would beg the question, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. I never had an answer for them. I still don’t.

What do I know?

What I did know is that I wanted to travel. I wanted to learn about different cultures and hear people’s stories. This lingering dream morphed from journalism to a tampered existence in advertising and is currently being reignited through personal projects. Nevertheless, this inkling of a purpose gives me no indication as to the direction I should go. Isn’t that rude? Most people search their entire lives for some semblance of a purpose and mine is an evasive little brat, showing itself often enough to confirm its existence, but giving me no actual guidance or direction. What am I supposed to do with that?

For all that I don’t know about the future, there are some basics that I want for myself. I was asked to do a meditative visualization in school recently that prompted some self-reflection, so here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for.

“I want to live near an ocean. I want to feel the sunlight everyday and connect with nature around me. I want to learn about people’s customs and cultures. I want to like myself, how I communicate and how I look. I want to be loved and love in return. I want to be a muse and to find inspiration in the little moments of everyday humanity.”

If you’re also struggling to visualize your future and don’t know what’s next, I would recommend making a little list like this one. Figure out not where you want to be or what career you want, but who you want to be and what makes you happy.

Remember, at any given moment, you are one decision away from having a completely different life. Dream boldly.