Oops I forgot to keep my guy friends

guy friends

I walked tentatively in the pitch-black park at night in Bucharest, a glass bottle in each hand, prepared to break them and use the pointed shards as weapons if necessary. 

How many times have I walked in the dark with a makeshift weapon in hand? Had to say “NO” to the same person? How many times have I felt a lingering hand or an unwanted touch?

A series of unfortunate situations had made me all but write off my male friends in the last year. Breaking the trust of an avoidant-personality friend is the quickest way to get ghosted. Maybe I have poor communication skills and am immature and emotionally cold; who knows? I decided I was done with men for a while and as I tend to do, I disappeared. 

Women today have an unfortunate, but warranted bias against men and we tend to write many off in one fell swoop. Regrettably, women are regarded as second-class citizens at best throughout the world.

When dealing with men, it often feels like you’re choosing between bad and worse; GuateMALA vs. GuatePEOR.

The very obvious power dynamic stems from a physical and social standpoint where men have the advantage.

Being a Woman

Walking with keys in between your knuckles, quickly deleting an unsolicited picture, bringing a jacket on a night out so you can cover yourself on the way home, texting a screenshot of your Uber driver to friends and family, keeping your hand discreetly over your drink, sitting by the one other woman on the bus, sending your friend your location before a date, having an array of fake information to give men so as not to risk their anger. Men make it too easy to write them off. I obliged. I’m thankful though, that I’m being proven wrong. 

I reappeared in Paris with a fresh start, quickly making some girl friends that I trusted. Slowly though, I started to make some guy friends again. Men, guys, humans, that were genuinely my friends.

I’m thankful that I was reminded of the unique and simple qualities that made me appreciate my guy friends in the first place. I was reminded of not just the physical mass of men but of the feeling of safety and comfort they are able to contribute (It’s worth noting that the feeling of safety is normally against/from other men). I have been fortunate enough to have been surrounded by guy friends for most of my life. Many of those relationships have now soured, adding to the fear-riddled relationship I, and many women have, with men. I need to remind myself, however, that I can not generalise. Many of the guys around me are sweet. Kind. Funny. Protective. Sensitive. They’re human, they’re normal (ish), they’re just like me. 

Bucharest

That night walking through a dark park in Bucharest with three new guy friends instinctively flanked around me, warding off groups of men lurking in the dark, I was slowly able to let go of the glass bottles. I was reminded that my friends, the guys around me, they’re just people. It’s up to me to choose good ones.

Resources for Women

https://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/

https://www.aclu.org/other/links-other-womens-rights-resources