Oops I… forgot how to date

date

It’s been a while. 

Yes, I know that I’ve been in Paris for a year now, but dating has been the furthest thing from my mind. After getting my heart broken in college and throwing myself into a series of short-lived flings, I decided to pair my move across the world with a bit of a hiatus from men. I’ve established myself in a new country with a Master’s program, a job, and a great group of friends. I’ve watched as my friends gushed about their new ‘man of the month’ and gossiped over summer flings, being perfectly content to lend a listening ear instead of jumping into the pool myself. A date seemed like a far-off tale, like something you see happening to other people from your comfortable chair. For me however, it only appeared as a pain-inducing, energy-draining endeavor. 

Modern Dating

Here’s the thing, I HATE online dating. As any of my highschool friends will tell you, I’m not known for my incredible texting skills. Being constantly attached to my phone only to drag out some draining small-talk conversation and rack your brain to come up with a suitable reply to ‘lol’ is just one of many definitions of hell for me. ‘Dating’ nowadays consists of swiping left and right on a screen and dodging crass texts. As someone who already hates texting, the idea of getting to know a picture behind a series of ambiguously flirtatious texts sounds like a nightmare. The whole idea of modern dating has been deeply soured for me between dating apps and grimy catcalls,

My imagination is plagued with stories and fantasies embedded there through a variety of romantic comedies over the years.

Should I wait for my Notting Hill moment or sift through the sea of apps for my own version of Miles Teller? 

Conversations so often refer back to a person’s love life, have you noticed that? For a year now I’ve felt so boring, contributing nothing to girls talks and late night chats because I didn’t have a juicy date to dish about. I recognize that this theme of conversation is often the most fun to discuss. Creating nicknames, giving instructional demonstrations, handing out advice, and recounting encounters are some of the easiest ways for us to bond as women and as friends. Time and time again, the conversation is dominated by this; by men. Do people not have anything else in their lives to talk about? Do people not have projects anymore? Personal goals? Dreams? Devoid of a worthy romantic interest, I’ve felt like a side character in my own life for a while now. 

What to Do

Being summer, I have a bit more time on my hands now than I’ve had in a while. I wondered out loud with a friend what I was going to do with all of my new unclaimed time. They should be what you do’, my friend said as he motioned to a group of guys across the bar. I smirked and rolled my eyes as I glanced back at the rowdy group. Maybe it wasn’t the worst idea I had heard. 

There are other ways to meet people and as a young person, maybe it’s time to embrace the times. Reality goes only as far as your perception. If I see the dating world as a nightmare, then that’s what it will be, but if I see it as an opportunity…. I guess we’ll see. The only true shift that has occured as of yet is a brief intermission on the constant flurry that is my life. It’s given me time to sit and assess the true nature of my mindset, perception, and hesitancy.

I’m warming up to the idea of dating again, but in a more genuine way. Life is short and the world is wide. If I’m opening myself up to new experiences and countries, why not meet some people and go on a date while I’m at it?