Mosquitoes
I lay awake in bed last night, rage growing in my stomach with every new mosquito bite I felt. I flipped the lights on and sat, half-blind, with a notebook in hand, the air heavy with suspense and humidity. Finally, I saw it; in one swift smack, I squashed the mosquito against the wall. A twinge of guilt crept in as I pulled away and saw a splatter of blood. The guilt vanished, however, once I realized that the blood was mine.
mosquitoes
You don’t have to feel bad for killing things, stressors, or relationships robbing you of blood, sleep, and peace.
mosquitoes
I’ve always had a bit of an issue with confrontation. Most of the time, I choose to avoid problems or gently push them away. I would rather gently bring the spider outside instead of feeling the squish of its death. Now, I understand that the spider may come back, but then I would just repeat the process, postponing the solution indefinitely.
I’ve always admired friend groups in sitcoms. How easy it seemed for Phoebe to be mad at Ross, for Smidt to tell Winston he’s terrible at puzzles, or for Penny to wage friendly war against Sheldon.
As feisty and as snarky as I am, this necessary part of relationships doesn’t come easily to me. It seems so easy, so necessary, so normal, and yet, I clam up.
I wonder how much the people around me really know me if I don’t allow myself to be known in this way. If I never say my piece, I’m just whatever version of myself is most convenient for others, right? I’m the girl who always does what you want to do, the girl who always apologizes first, the girl who always puts effort in, and the girl who doesn’t see those things in return.
Lately…
Lately, I’ve had to kill my fair share of mosquitoes. It doesn’t matter how much repellent I put on, how many times I catch and release the critters, or how many times I pull my covers over my head and pray they’ll go away; they’re always going to find their way back.
I’m learning that sometimes it’s necessary to attack the problem, the conversation, the confrontation head-on. Sometimes it reveals that that has been what was causing you stress and sleeplessness; the relief is worth it; just kill the mosquito.
As we officially enter the summer season, I’m armed with mosquito spray now. Protecting me from anything that may rob me of blood, sleep, or peace.
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